His New Flatmate

Jim, my dealer, always rents out his spare room out to young, attractive foreign ladies, reasoning that if he's going to have someone living in his flat, they might as well be good to look at.

I've told Jim about my preference for fit, muscular women, but when he told me that the new one would be 'right up my street', I didn't expect him to be right, because although Jim knows about my preference for fit, muscular women, I don't think he really understands how fit and muscular I like them to be.

I find this is quite a common thing actually. A lot of my friends have the idea that when I say 'muscular' I mean Jessica Biel, when I actually mean Andrea Thiel. Maybe they don't WANT to imagine that I'm attracted to that much muscle. However, I digress...

When I arrived and Jim had rolled up a sample of his new gear, he passed me the doobage with a big smile.

'You're really going to like her, man. Guess where she is now?'

'At the gym?' I guessed, hopefully.

'Yeah! I TOLD you you're going to like her!'

And she was at the gym for quite a while. We were both quite toasted by the time we heard her key in the door.

Jim flashed me a devilish look.

'Milena! Come meet my friend Ed.'

Wearing a big, warm jacket, she came in and said hello, and I liked the smile she gave me as she shook my hand.

'I can smell this outside,' she said as Jim passed her the j. She took a big toke and passed it on to me. I was liking her already.

'Listen,' said Jim. 'Now Milena's here to protect my stash from your thieving hands, I'm going to pop out and get some beer.'

As Jim left, Milena giggled. 'Pop out! I like English phrasal verbs but they are so difficult. Your language is so funny. Pop out is to the shops. Pop in is visit. Pop off is farting! Very confusing for me.'

'And you can also pop your bicep,' I said, demonstrating for her.

'This I did not know,' she said, unzipping her jacket to reveal only a sports bra underneath. Her abs were cut. Even if I hadn't been stoned, I would have stared at them.

She giggled again. 'You like?' And she flexed them.

I was speechless.

'This means yes?'

I nodded, my eyes still fixed on her stomach muscles.

She took her jacket off and let it fall to the floor. She was gorgeous, and had muscles and definition all over. Jim had been right. I was in love.

'So now I pop my bicep so to remember meaning.'

And she did. Again and again and again.

Over the course of the evening I taught her a lot of words connected with the body.